Wednesday, April 1, 2015

sleeping babies, hugs and other precious children things

Emma woke up early crying the other morning. I went in with a bottle and a fresh diaper.
Ben and I had just been talking about how she's not as snuggly as Addie was.
For some reason, we ended up not having a rocker or glider with Emma, and lately I've wished I had one for moments like this. We don't generally rock our babies all the way to sleep but I've wished sometimes I could just snuggle her up and rock with her.

So I went in.
She still seemed like she wanted to be sleeping.
Eyes only halfway open.
Moaning and squirming on the bed as I changed her. (She sleeps in a pack n play in a room that doubles as a guest room with a full bed in it.)

She chugged the bottle and then just stayed in my arms. So I popped her paci back in and leaned back on the bed, rolling her on to my chest.
She pushed herself up in 'plank' position using my chest as support.
She looked at me for a minute, and then gave in & nuzzled her head into my shoulder.
The room was quiet except the quiet white noise in the background and the sound of her vigorously sucking her paci.
I leaned back a little further and cozied her in.
Her breathing started to slow.
It became deeper.
And she was asleep.
On me.

I don't know if there is anything sweeter that a baby asleep on your chest.

The next day, she started giving 'hugs.'
Ben had taken the girls to jump on the bed while I finished up dinner. When I heard all the giggling and cuteness I had to sneak a peek, and I happened to catch this on video. (Keep an eye on Emma.)

These are our children.
These tiny little people who were created and grew inside my body and then came out into the world helpless and needing everything.
Given to us to care for.
And in a matter of months they know how to give hugs and talk.
And in just a few years, we're going to send them off into the world to be grown up people - working and producing and giving and loving people and the bulk of this whole little-people-raising job will be done.
Though some days feel long, the weeks and months and years are whizzing by.
No mom of adult children has EVER said to me "it goes really slow. Wish it away. The real fun starts when they're gone."
Nope - they all say "It goes fast. Cherish every moment."

Let's be honest - there are many moments I don't cherish. (Such as: all the puke and pee and poop clean up. Wiping up tiny pieces of food 5 times a day off the floor and the high chair and the children and the table. The timeouts and melt downs. The feeling of impatience boiling up in me and then the guilt later because I lost my cool. The 20 minute process of trying to get out the door to go to one place.)

But then, Emma falls asleep on me, or my toddler snuggles up on my shoulder while I read her stories, or I catch the aforementioned adorable-ness of my husband loving these girls so well and I soak it all in.
I treasure it and cherish them with all my big feelings and maybe even a few happy mommy tears.
Motherhood is truly the most precious and mind-blowing gift ever.

Emotionally yours,

p.s. Jen Hatmaker recently wrote an article about all the BIG FEELINGS that go along with motherhood. If you haven't seen it circulating, read it here. She hits the nail on the head!