Friday, October 18, 2013

Unexpected joys and hardships of parenting so far


That picture was taken 1 week after Adelyn was born. So much joy and exhaustion. So much that was unexpected.

I recently wrote a post that included my favorite baby products.
On a more important and serious note, that same friend had asked what the most unexpected joy / hardship came with transitioning to be a mama was for me? Well of course, if you know me, I couldn't just give one joy and one hardship, I had to write a novel.
Here's what I wrote.
The first unexpected joy and hardship was surrounding sleep and scheduling. A friend recommended a book called Babywise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep. Her little boy was a great sleeper, and she said this was the general method they used. We didn't have any other thoughts on the matter, and the philosophy made sense to us, so we figured, what the heck!? The gist of Babywise is - from day 1, parents are in charge, which ultimately makes your infant feel very secure. It is different from 'on demand feeding' which is where you feed the baby whenever they want for how long they want. Rather, you work to get the baby on a nursing "schedule," which will set their metabolism and help them sleep in longer increments more quickly, and more soundly. In my personal opinion, the method worked great for us. But we learned that it's not a science. I remember thinking the book made it sound like a formula - put in A + B and out pops C. (Although it's been a while since I actually read it.) Generally we found that the principles were super helpful and worth sticking with. Adelyn was sleeping 12 hours through the night by 12 -14 weeks old. But, it's not like you never look back. There are growth spurts, and rolling, and teething, and moving, and vacations, and and and. The book might mention all that, but I don't remember that. I just remember thinking, "if I do xyz, then I'll have a great sleeper." I'll get to how this relates to a hardship in a minute... 
Anyway, I think it's worth a read, and at the very least, it allowed both Ben and I to think through our sleep/ feeding philosophy together. It's funny - i think before reading it, we assumed Ben wouldn't have much of a role in the whole feeding thing since I'd be nursing; but it turns out his support and encouragement and willingness to think through (and listen to my thinking through) the day in and day out scheduling decisions was HUGE! and really beneficial to us as new parents. we were on the same page, and i didn't feel all alone in determining her needs, just because I was nursing
As for your question about the unexpected - it's hard to pinpoint one. but i think one of the biggest unexpected hardships was how quickly the pride/ guilt mentality snuck in. I had no idea I would feel prideful over my baby about sleeping well and on the flip side, the feel guilty or like a failure if my baby didn't sleep well. Like I said - the Babywise method worked. and I think it's great. But for me, (and another similarly minded/ personality friend of mine) the temptation was to feel prideful in "success," as if I had it all figured out and was superior to my other new mommy friends who didn't. whew. thank the Lord he broke me of that quickly.
i have to reiterate - i think the principles of their method are really great & we will definitely be using it again if possible. BUT, i feel cautioned against the temptation to think i'm oh so awesome if my baby responds well and is a good sleeper because of it. Honestly, I now just feel thankful for God's grace in teaching us how to parent, even in the little things and short season of spit up and nursing and being awake in the middle of the night.
Moving on. 
another unexpected hard thing was how it changed the dynamic of our marriage. we knew it would. most people don't assume they'll add a child without any changes, but we didn't really know exactly what and how it would change. a lot of things were positive - new experiences; new things to seek the Lord's direction on; new understandings of God as a parent; seeing each other flourish in a new role; and so much joy from getting to know our daughter together. one hard thing though was how there were so many monotonous things to talk about. 'boring business things' as we called them. it doesn't sound like a big deal, and I don't know that it was a HUGE deal, but it was surprising and frustrating to be so tired and then spend the energy we did have talking about boring business things. how to care for/ refrigerate breast milk. how hot to make the bath. please get jammies. should we go on a walk before or after she eats what should our nighttime routine be she's waking early from naps - what do you suggest please thaw the beef at noon. please put the chicken in the crockpot on high for 6 hours. please get these 3 things at the store on your way home. okay so you'll be home to get addie at 3 and i'll pick her up from you at 4:30 don't forget xyz for the diaper bag for church.
it all sounds so silly. we really tried to be simple. not too much extra baby junk that was unnecessary. not too much fuss and hassle. but again, because we wanted to THINK through parenting decisions (small as they may seem in those early days), it took discussing to be on the same page. and those conversations are kind of neutral; definitely not exhilarating and romantic. and to top it all off, you can't have sex for the first several. [just being candid here, people. you were warned.] so, all that was an adjustment.
we learned how to have those conversations though and how to still pour love and affection and fun into each other. and it was a short season, even though in the moment, those first few week felt so so long.
one of the most unexpected joys was seeing God in a new light after becoming a parent. mostly, the revelations were new inner understandings of things I already understood with my head. i knew God sent his son because he loved us and would sacrifice anything. I didn't know how it felt to be willing to give up anything for your child. and I knew he loves us when we're difficult, but I didn't know how it felt to love your child when they're difficult and imperfect. and i had never felt such instant unconditional love before. it's different than marriage. Not better or worse. Just different. anyway - i feel like this joy is ongoing, something we're still experiencing.
other surprises - labor was painful. for me though, i had basically forgotten about the pain in a heartbeat when she came out. (that's not true for everyone.) recovery was PAINFUL. and gross. [people tried to warn you, but they just can't. and then you go through it, and it's like you join this club of every woman on the planet who's given birth. and then you can say "ohhhhh." and you all have this secret inside understanding. but if you want more details, i'd be happy to try to warn you. :)] the water breaking is the weirdest feeling ever. the level of excitement when you wake up and check the clock only to realize your baby hasn't woken up in 8 hours for the first time is INDESCRIBABLE!! when baby discovers her/his voice, they use it LOUDLY and non stop for a few days. the pacifier will in fact not definitely lead to nursing problems. but it might allow you to sleep for more than 2 hours. (i'm sure some babies experience nursing problems with a pacifier - i'm no expert; just giving our experience.) it is okay to let the nurses take your baby in the hospital overnight. you are not a bad mother if you want them to. i sometimes feel SO EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED when she's not sleeping well. that is hard.
nursing. I figured baby would come out and she would just know how. she didn't. And it was hard. it felt like an eternity. it was emotional and time consuming. but, we met with a lactation consultant several times in the first few weeks (which insurance covered), and ultimately I'm SO glad i stuck with nursing.

It's funny. That's where I ended the note to my friend, and in one sense, that feels like a lot. On the other hand, it feels like it doesn't even scratch the surface. Can words even begin to describe parenting? Perhaps a better writer than I can attempt, but it sure does feel like something I could write forever on. Don't worry. I'll spare you.
I'm sure the joys and hardships will come and go and change with each new season in our lives as parents. But for now, we are in the baby/ small child phase and it is what it is. 
Well, there it is. my heart on the page. whew. that's probably enough for one day.
Are you a parent? What have been your unexpected joys and hardships along the way?

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Cooking Series #4 - Fall Treats


Back in September, I started a mini cooking series. I am no great chef, (although my husband sings my praises) but I do enjoy cooking and thought I'd share some tips and tricks I've learned.

So far this fall, I've made 3 yummy treats. And by 'yummy,' I mean AH-mazing-you-must-make-them-all-immediately.

[just so you know, I yanked these pictures from the websites I linked to for the recipes. they're not my images.]



These were every bit as good as the ones at Starbucks. Actually, better. Because they have streusel topping and streusel topping makes everything better. Also, they are a fraction of the price. 
p.s. for the muffins, you need pumpkin pie spice, which I just make using this recipe


1st Place goes to...   Caramel Apple Cheesecake Bars
Holy cow. These are what dessert should be. They are as good as they sound. Go make them now, please. 


Any excuses to try these out soon? 
I love fall. 
What's your favorite fall treat. 

Friday, October 11, 2013

my favorite baby products

A long-time friend just had a baby, and as she was gearing up for baby's arrival, I wrote to her about some baby products we loved. Thought I'd share my favorites with you...
These were products we were either so glad to have or ran out to get as soon as she was born because we wished we had them.
1. Footie jammies that zip. snaps are less than ideal. I mean we still used some with snaps, but I will avoid them at all costs in the future. those newborns poop and pee like no other and it is SO hard to snap in the middle of the night. friends of ours have ones that are magnetic, which is brilliant!! on more than one occasion, i almost stole them. [update: we were gifted magnetic jammies with Emma by a sweet friend and they were as awesome as they sound!!! I want two or three pairs in EVERY SIZE!!!! #expensive #firstworldproblems] how cute are these? or these!
2. onesies or jammies with fold over mitten sleeves. especially if you're having newborn pictures taken - you should put these on so they don't scratch up their face. we didn't & addie's face was soooo scratched up before we even left the hospital. amazon has a good deal! (plus you don't have to leave the couch #preggowin)
3. this one is RaNdOm. [side note - remember when alternating caps/ lowercase was the cool way to type. hash tag junior high.] we've had better luck nail clipping with regular revlon nail clippers (a good brand!) those baby ones are too dull in my opinion and actually lead to more cuts. kind of like dull knives you will feel like a crazy monster clipping your itty bitty newborn's fingernails with giant nail clippers but they work way better. They're cheaper on amazon than in walmart :)
4. a playmat with dangly things to look at & grab. ours was very simple but addie loved it. still does actually. this might have been the only toy we had for MONTHS! This one we have was gifted by a friend :) don't get a noise-making one. You'll thank me later.
5. we used a lot of plain white onesies, especially under other clothes in the winter. both short and long sleeved. i think i ended up with a 3 pack of each in every size. i like the way carter's ones fit the best.
6. a nursing cover was convenient - didn't use at first because it's awkward and takes a while to get the hang of without a cover. but i was glad i had one as opposed to using just a blanket. [see my updated post on this - i never used it with #2.]
7. addie had a lot of trouble nursing from the get go. we met with a lactation consultant every few days for 4 weeks. (insurance covered that too. in full. worth it!!! i am SO glad i stuck with nursing. more about this another time...) anyway, since she had trouble nursing, i had to pump and bottle feed her the breast milk. our lactation consultant suggested these bottles. it was what we used the most because it was supposedly the slowest one out there- which makes the baby work hard for the milk similar to nursing in a way. everyone has their favorites though!! this is definitely not a one-right-way type of thing.
8. JJ Cole Bundle Me - it easily straps right onto the carseat or stroller and is easier than bundling them up. If we were going to be outside on a walk, I'd often throw a blanket in too, but for the car, this was all we used. No coat or anything :) I bought my baby-size for $8.00 at a kid's resale store and my toddler-size, which I'm using on the stroller this fall for $20, also at a kid's resale store.
9. SwaddleMe - there are tons of brands out there, but we liked this one. (That's a link to the exact ones we had. Make sure you order a small for a new baby!) It was a life saver for us. Those newborns just love to be snuggled up tight. If I'm 100% honest, I was slightly worried that by swaddling, we would be giving her a 'sleep crutch' or something. But seriously, they outgrow it eventually. We stopped using it when she learned to roll back to tummy, but couldn't get back to her back. It seemed unsafe to keep her swaddled. So we unswaddled her and it took one night of cry-it-out in the middle of the night for her to figure out how to sleep on her tummy unswaddled. My niece used it longer, but would break her arms out of it immediately after awhile. It was kinda her cue that it was time to sleep, even though she could get out of it. And eventually, they just didn't even put her it in anymore. We LOVED these swaddlers.

Love the pacifier lines in this picture from intense pacifier sucking :)

plus, if you use a swaddler and then go un-swaddle when they wake up, you will see this cuteness :)
10. We recently bought a light-weight umbrella stroller for city life. It folds down with one step of your foot, and has an over-the-stroller carrying strap. It has a storage basket underneath, sunshade, and rain cover that attaches separately. Addie is so comfortable in it. This stroller alone convinced Ben that it is worth it to have a high-end stroller. (And if you know my husband, you know this is a FEAT!) On Amazon, the one we have is priced at $280, which wasn't about to happen. I paid $40 for a 2 year old model at a resale store. Score! If you don't live in a city, it probably isn't worth it to have a more expensive light weight stroller. It's worth it for us because walking/ public transportation is our made mode of getting around, and we live on the 3rd floor... so... yeah.  Just yesterday, I had 2 gallons of apple cider in the basket underneath, a reusable grocery bag full to the brim hanging on the handle, and a baby in there! It's pretty heavy duty for an 8 pound stroller. Oh, plus it's made in England, so that increases our cool-factor by at least 2 points.  In case you're in the market, here's MacLaren's website, and I also see a lot of people with Uppa Baby ones. I don't know much about the difference, I only bought the one I did b/c it was what was available used :) I've also heard good thing's about chicco's fancy umbrella stroller - brand new for only $80. Plus it comes in cute colors!

To all the momma readers in the house (and dad readers), what are your favorites?  

Thursday, October 10, 2013

a few links and a funny video

We're having lots of visitors this month, so I haven't been writing much. But, I've been reading a little.

3 articles that really blessed me this week - 2 on prayer by the same gal and 1 on what stay-at-home-mom's do all day.

1. Prayer #1
2. Follow up prayer
3. You're a stay at home mom... What do you DO all day? 


Oh, and this video gave me a laugh.



seen anything good on the interweb lately? share a link in the comment section.
happy thursday, y'all! 

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Go Big Red!

If I'm being totally honest, getting everybody in red for Husker Game Day is 80% about the photo-op and 20% about my team loyalty.


mom built a tower for crawling motivation :) she didn't crawl but she eventually made it over there.
baby crawling motivation 1 baby crawling motivation 2 baby crawling motivation 3
i love the next one of my two loves. Adelyn's expression in these next 2 is priceless. 
we learned this trick from our friends Gemma and Tad

kisses for Adelyn...
kisses for Dadelyn. [it's a game they play...can you literally see my heart melting?]

Thursday, October 3, 2013

fast friends.

Some of our friends from Lincoln came to visit last weekend. Cortney and I were pregnant at the same time and our babes were born 12 weeks apart. They were fast friends this weekend, and true to my usual form, I took WAY too many pictures of these little lookers.













Me: "Addie, be gentle."
Addie: [gives me this face while laughing]
What a goof!!

And then proceeds to claw Sealy's face.



Did you notice a theme? For example, Addie tackling Sealy!? And giving him lots of kisses. Perhaps she's seeking revenge from all the fun she had with her cousin this summer...
you'll notice Addie is underneath in this one :)

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

frame/ gallery nursery wall

We are living in graduate family housing. We plan to be here for 10-11 months total... This means minimal decorating. Definitely no paint. And living on loans means the home decor budget is minimal non existent. Which, honestly, is fine at this point in our lives. :)

So, I used a little "blow money" (we each get some every month) to buy a couple cute frame-able cards and frames from Ikea. Then, I used what we already had laying around and hung a little frame collage wall in Addie's room. 

There was no new, earth-shattering, mind-blowing method to doing this. I just googled 'frame wall' and came up with this process: 

1. Figure out how I want the frames laid out on the floor. (I went with arranging the frames however I want within an imaginary boundary. Some other popular options are hanging frames above and/or an imaginary line, using a ledge, hanging lots of small frames around a big center-focus frame, etc...) 

I started with just these. 


2. Cut paper to size of frames & mark where nail/ picture hanger needs to be. As you can see, I added scrounged up more frames. Go big or go home!

3. Put up painters tape to make my boundary.
4. Tape up paper where frames will go. Move as necessary

5. Hang frames. Some people use measuring tapes, levels & more systematical ways of doing this. I eyeball it, hope it's even, and then rehang if necessary. It is what it is. 



And here's what it looks like above the green dresser/ changing table. I painted that... now THAT was a project. :)      I'd love to make a cover for the changing pad. I mean we still have at least a year or more in diapers, so that's worth it, right? 

Oh, and it's nice to have a helper for projects as daunting as this one! :)