To my email subscribers

Hi Friends,

Several of you are signed up to receive email updates from this site. It's likely you read that I won't be posting here anymore... my new site has a new signup, so if you'd like to continue receiving emails with new posts, please subscribe to receive updates on my new site, www.tunemyheartblog.com

Thanks for reading!

I'm Moving (websites)

This is about the time of year Ben and I like to move. We have moved every summer except one since we got married. Since we're NOT moving this summer, I thought I'd move websites. You know, for nostalgia's sake.

I'm moving to wordpress. If that means nothing to you, it is similar to the move from a 2 bedroom apartment on the 3rd floor (=blogger) to a 3 bedroom house (=wordpress) we made last summer around this time.

wordpress > blogger

There are still some kinks to work out over there, but who cares!?  Certainly not me, the queen of shove-it-in-the-closet-and-hope-no-one-opens-the-door. [And you thought my house was clean? Mwhahahaha.]

So come on over, check it out. Bookmark it. Like it. Follow it. Subscribe to it. Whatever.

Tunemyheart blog has moved over HERE.

See you there :)

don't give up!

Small seeds planted and watered faithfully over a long period of time will produce something.
It's just a fact. I'm actually a farming expert, now that we live in Nebraska (not!)
But I do have a greater appreciation for and understanding of how that whole planting and reaping thing works. Because I saw some real corn growing a couple times. ["Greater" as in, greater than before. Not great in general. Lest there be any confusion, I have created a clarifying visualization about how my knowledge of farming has increased.]

Moving on. 

Sometimes in life, it seems like you are planting very tiny seeds. And it feels like your seeds will never grow. Like, the next thing isn't ever coming. 

Like you'll never get the promotion 

you're kids will never grow up  

you're boss will never see your potential

you're peers will never accept you 

you will never make a friend in your new neighborhood

you will never be in a different season 

your kids will never come home 

Hard as it may be, lay your feelings aside my friends and cling to this principle that farmers and long-time followers of Jesus know to be true: You will reap what you sow. Your seeds will grow. Keep planting in faithfulness. Your harvest is coming.

This of course begs the question - what are you sowing? 

Why I love Aldi

Confession: I’ve use to think Aldi was gross. You only shopped there if you had to. And if you could possibly afford to shop even at Walmart, you obviously would, because ew, Aldi. I don’t know why I thought that, and seeing as how I’ve done most of my grocery shopping at Walmart the past several years, I definitely don’t consider myself a grocery store snob. I don’t exclusively shop at Whole Foods and Trader Joes, I often buy generic brands, and I cut coupons sometimes. But still, I turned up my nose at Aldi.

Oh how I was wrong. It’s my new favorite grocery store. Here’s why.

1. It’s easy to get through

The store is small. Hallelujah. You know those tiny city markets that all those super cool city dwellers have to pay extra money to shop at? Aldi is like that. But cheaper. Seriously, there are 5 aisles. If I realize that I’ve forgotten something once I’ve made the 1.2 mile trek around Super Walmart and am in the checkout line, I usually have to decide it’s not worth it and do without. But say, that item I forgot is something essential like diapers or wipes or hummus, I then break down in tears and forfeit my spot in line to go fetch said item, thus adding another 15 or 20 minutes to our trip. Good gracious. Even with a categorized grocery list, I always end up needing to walk the whole length of Walmart at least once because I forgot something, or because the fancy cheese is in the front of the store but the regular cheese is 27 aisles away. Help a momma out people! With 2 kiddos under 2, I cannot tell you how much I love the size of Aldi. It’s small. Thus far, my babies have never gotten crabby by the end of an Aldi trip because we can get in and out of there in 20 minutes. 20 minutes, y’all. I WOULD NOT JOKE ABOUT SUCH MATTERS!

2. Cheap organic options.

Now some of my all-time favorite people and best friends are of the organic or gluten-free or paleo-eating variety. I am not. We just try to not eat a ton of crap and call it good. If my family gets a green vegetable at dinner, I consider it a win. That being said, Aldi has a lot of organic options that are cheaper than their non-organic counterparts in other grocery stores. Once in a while, I do end up buying some of the organic options there that I wouldn’t want to shell out for at a typical grocery store.

3. Less choices

Choices is not my forte. Ask my husband what it’s like to sit with me at a restaurant. The waitress may or may not have to come back a few times to ask if I’m ready. At most big grocery stores, there are SO many choices. At our Walmart, here are 11 varieties of peanut butter, 4 brands of cheese, & 5 brands of sour cream. I counted. When you multiply that by your whole grocery list, it can be overwhelming to choose. Even if you know exactly what you like, it still takes a fair amount of time to find the one you want. And to choose what size to buy it in. Enter Aldi. There is one choice for everything. Peanut butter is peanut butter. Just grab it and go. One brand of tortilla chips, one brand of coffee creamer, one brand of eggs, one brand of better. Just one. No price comparing or coupon cutting or searching the 7 shelves of soy sauce for the perfect kind. Just one. It’s easier and faster and less stressful.

[Side note - It might sound like I’m bashing Walmart. That is not my intention. It’s basically my only point of comparison to Aldi because it’s the only other store I regularly shop at. I will write another post on things I love about Walmart.]    :)

4. Fast check out

Depending on where else and what time of day you shop, you may or may not have to wait in long lines. But I have never had to wait a long time at Aldi, no matter how many people are there. From what I’ve observed, the fast checkout lines are mainly caused by a couple things. For one, Aldi is not a one-stop-shop. While they have a lot of basics, you can’t buy EVERYTHING the average household uses, so people tend to have smaller loads to purchase. Also, they have a separate area where you bag your own groceries after you pay, which cuts down on checkout time. And, every employee in the store knows how to ring and is supposed to help keep the lines short. If the lines get long, the guy restocking milk hops on and opens another lane. Which brings me to reason number 5 for why Aldi is the bomb.

5. Maximum efficiency & random acts of cart kindness

Aldi is super efficient. And as someone who appreciates maximum efficiency, I love their philosophical reasons for doing what they do. One of the reasons Aldi is cheap is because they are an extremely efficient organization. (This, by the way, is the fascinating article that convinced me to jump on board the Aldi train. She talks all about their efficiency.) One of those cost-saving policies is the rent-a-cart thing. All the carts are corralled right in front of the store instead of throughout the parking lot. This saves from having to pay employees to collect them. You bring a quarter, use it to unlock the cart from the others, and then you get your quarter back when you return the cart. For me, this is the biggest downside of Aldi. Is it annoying to carry my purse, the baby’s 27 pound carseat while holding my toddler’s hand across the Aldi parking lot in the 15 degree weather? Yes. But, most of the time, I don’t have to. Because Aldi shoppers are so stinking nice. Somehow this policy encourages smiley customers & frequent random acts of cart kindness. No one is grumpy while trying to get carts out - people help each other and give away quarters if needed. If someone is finishing up unloading their groceries in their car and sees me coming, they’ll just walk their cart over to me and I give them my quarter. Often people don’t even accept my quarter though. (Something about my yoga pants, spit-up stained tee, and yesterday’s make up smeared under my eyes screams please just give me your cart for free or I’ll squirt you with the pear-prune puree pouch my toddler is eating.)

I get their cart to transport my kiddos safely across the parking lot & they don’t have to put it back.

Everyone’s a winner at Aldi.

On our most recent Aldi trip, a man gave me his cart and wouldn’t take my quarter. He started to walk away but then turned around. He said to me, “I just came from visiting my wife of 63 years. She has bad alzheimers and doesn’t remember anything of our life together, except that she likes these suckers. [He took a lollipop out of his pocket.] I go see her every day and bring her one of these every day. I have extras at home though. Would your daughter like one?”

Yes I’ll take your lollipop and your cart and your inspirational long-suffering-marriage stories. Can I hug you? Now excuse me while I get in the car and sob all the way home.

6. Cheap

While all the other reasons are things I like about Aldi, the low prices take the cake for me. We are on a tight budget, attempting to pay down our student loans at unprecedented speeds. And so, I pinch pennies and buy over half our groceries at Aldi. And when she rings up my 47 items for $32 I gladly fork over the cash as I try to fend off my toddler from hitting that ‘cancel’ button at the register. Sure Aldi, you can have my money and my smiles and my heart. Because you are small and well-stocked and efficient. And you have friendly workers and polite customers and my grocery budget loves you.

So you wanna get out of debt? Here are our top 3 reasons...

Ha! this makes me laugh. Is it weird to use a meme on a blog? Anyway.........

We read Dave Ramsey's book "financial peace university" and listened to all the teachings from the class when we first got married. We were on board. Debt is dumb, pay cash, blah blah blah. Made perfect sense.

Then we took out a BIG loan for Ben to go to school for one year at Harvard. We really really really prayed through the decision and believed it was where God was leading us so we did it. Debt and all... Knowing we'd put fun on pause for a few years and pay it back as quickly as possible.

Now that we're in the "paying it back as quickly as possible" stage, I still think it was worth it, but phew, it is not fun. [Hind sight 20/20, we would have done a few things differently in the whole loan process, but that's for another day.]

I think the biggest factor in getting out of debt is the mental and emotional side of the equation. We were on board with paying off our debt from day 1, but actually starting the process felt more like a leap of faith.  We think this is right and we're excited to be debt free so we'll give it a go. But as we've started to pay it off, something emotional has switched inside.

When we first started this back in December, we'd get a little extra money from something random and I would be all like, 

"oh, now I can buy those new kitchen chairs I wanted which aren't in the budget because of the extreme debt paydown..."
And Ben would be all like, "uh uh, no way, girlfriend. ALL EXTRA MONEY GOES TO DEBT."
And I would be all like nooooooooooooooo.

But now, when extra money comes in from somewhere or we don't spend all of our budgeted amount for a category - we are both excited to pay it towards our loans. Crazy, right? It's almost addicting. Also, kinda infuriating. Because this random student loan company (they call themselves "Great Lakes," but we have affectionately renamed them "Stupid Lakes" in our budget spreadsheet)... they get our money. Money that could be going to nicer dates, and a down payment, and buying people nice birthday gifts... it's all going to Stupid Lakes.

The more "mad" we've gotten about that, the easier it's been to try to get rid of it as quick as is humanly possible (not to mention a lot of prayer for miraculous provisions to pay it down as quick as is divinely possible). Sure, the motivation ebbs and flows. One month, we have more extra and it's super exciting. The next month, not so much.

At the end of the day though, we're committed. Every extra dollar goes to student loans until our debt is gone.

Why? Why pay it off now? you say...  [I thought you'd never ask.]

I'm so glad you asked. Because I could talk about this all.day.long. But I won't. Maybe.

1. IT'S NOT ACTUALLY OUR MONEY
If you are not a person of Christian faith, you might disagree with this & feel free to skip this point, but we believe that we are stewards or managers of sorts. And that God has given us money to further his kingdom and his purposes with. Debt hinders us from giving generously to meet others' needs. Sometimes, at the end of a more discouraging money date (where we don't have as much as we wished to pay off the loans or we decide to say "no" to something that sounds fun), we picture what we will do when we have the amount of money we're paying towards debt to give to other things. People in ministry we want to support financially, church plants, etc.

2. HOLY INTEREST, BATMAN!
Seriously. This should be reason enough for people to pay off debt. (Although, since it's not, it would suggest that perhaps paying off debt, and handling money in general, is perhaps more of an emotionally controlled decision than a mathematically or logically controlled decision.) Our loans are sitting at 6.8%. Ben and I have agreed not to disclose specific numbers on here for now, so let's use national averages for individual student loan debt and talk numbers for a minute. The average amount of debt a college senior graduates with is $29,400. (source)

At our current interest rate of 6.8% if we took 10 years to pay the $29,400 loan, we'd end up paying $338.34 per month for a total of $40,600.14.
5 years = $579.39/ month = $34,763.05 total.
2 years = $1,313.65/ month = $31,527.59 total.

The interest is not in your favor, folks. Some people will say, "well I can get 12% in mutual funds so I should pay the minimums and invest the difference and I'll come out ahead." Ok. But do you? I've NEVER heard of anyone actually doing this. (Doesn't mean it doesn't happen.) I'm sure someone has done this. Certainly he or she is in the minority, right? What are most of the people you know that have debt doing with their above-minimum-payment money? Investing it or spending it?

3. DEBT = STUCK.
To me, this is the factor that would motivate anyone. Debt makes me feel stuck. We feel in bondage to our payments. And that's a bad feeling. We don't like being told by some creditor what to do with our money. But every month we have to pay them the money. Whether it's your credit card minimum, or your car payment, or your student loan payment, or an outstanding medical bill, it's not enjoyable having someone else tell you what to do with your money. If WE choose to pay down the debt as fast as possible, then we will again have control over where all our money goes.  And we'll be financially free.

So many more reasons could be listed, but I think those are our top 3.
It's not easy. [Although I have to say, saying 'no' gets a little easier the more you practice...]
It's not "fun" ... for now.
But it will be so much fun when no one is telling us how to spend money.
It will be freeing to not owe anyone.

What about you? Did you get out of debt? Have you thought about getting out of debt? Were you able to stay out of debt in the first place? 

When Daddy's Away

Ben has ended up traveling with his job more than we anticipated. We're kinda figuring out what our limits are in terms of his time away, learning how to stay connected while he's gone, and finding things to curb the insanity when I'm flying solo for a few days. This past trip, the girls and I stayed at my inlaws' house for a change of pace and some company! Not to mention, we upped the adult to kid ratio. #winning

Exploring at a park.

They found a new game. There might have been crashing involved. Also - pay no attention to the rusty metal poles sticking out where there used to be a cover attached. #safteyfirst

Swinging in the backyard! 

We played with our new do-a-dot markers. 

I mentioned patterns. She liked to say the word "pattern" but didn't really get it :) 

Dad came home on a Friday, and they watched "Frozen" together on Saturday morning. She lasted about 15 minutes. But she talked about "watching Frozen with Daddy eating popcorn in a cozy blanket" all week. 

We're always glad when Daddy gets back home. 

p.s. these do-a-dots are still fun a few weeks later. not bored yet. she LOVES to put her work on the fridge. oh dear. luckily she hasn't figured out why they aren't there a couple days later. am I a bad mom for throwing them out? what the heck else are you supposed to do with all their coloring pages? please tell me i'm not the only heartless mother who throws out stuff like this? 

[side note - I cropped out the bottom of this pic because, internet, but she's naked on the bottom here! ha! she loves to have "naked buns" at home lately. my little free spirit.]

we hadn't talked about patterns much since a few weeks ago. randomly out of the blue, she grabbed 2 colors and said "i'm going to make a pattern." she got impatient with switching off - the rest of the picture is all red. Frequently, my mind is blown by what she soaks in and remembers.

A weekend of poop & a messy house

I recently wrote about ways I keep my house clean.

Lest that post at all communicated that our house is always clean, please know we were a hot mess by Friday night. These pictures are proof.

My friend and I sometimes competitively text each other pictures when our house is messy. We're going to invent a new pinterest where you can only post "real life" stuff.

This doesn't even do it justice... you can't see the other counter and the kitchen table!

This picture was taken at 4:30. I was in the kitchen and noticed Emma had been unusually quiet for a minute. I peeked in on her in the next room to find she had dug an apple core out of our library bag. We had gone to the library at 10:30 and Addie had an apple there...

What? You don't let your kids eat 6 hour old half eaten apples?

All 3 of these people pictured had a nasty diarrhea stomach bug for a few days. TMI? It was rough. Let's just say there was a lot of poop. And a lot of laundry. And a lot of diapers. And a lot of movie watching for the 2 year old.

You win some and you lose some.
Don't give up when you have a losing day.
Tomorrow is a new one and there is grace for each day.

There's a line in the old hymn, Great is thy Faithfulness, that I love...

"strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow"

Whether you are having a messy-house-babies-eating-old-apples-on-the-floor-kind-of day or you are walking through a heavier trial,

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. 

That's a good prayer. Even if it's just about diarrhea.

I didn't know I was marrying a nerd

Before I was married, I remember people saying "Oh I'm so glad I married my best friend."
I thought that sounded nice. But honestly, and I probably couldn't have articulated this until recently, I didn't marry my best friend... at the time.

Ben and I met (as in, met-for-the-first-time-hi-nice-to-meet-you) and got married within 11 months. We spent time together nearly every day for the first 5 months and then he spent the next 5 in Costa Rica. When he came back, we got married. So, at the time of our wedding, he wasn't my best friend. He was definitely my friend. We had so much fun together. And we were completely smitten with each other. I mean, we moved our wedding date up 3 times. (And no, there was no baby.)

But, there was a LOT we didn't know about each other. (Ben jokes that if one of our daughters comes to him like we came to my parents after a few months, he'll say 'no way.')  :)

I thought I was marrying this semi-cool guy, the kinda quiet and mysterious type who made me feel all warm and fuzzy. He didn't have all the spiritual checks I thought he 'should' from my evangelical-church-youth-group-upbringing...
He thought the type of church I grew up in was weird.
The feeling was mutual.
Then, there was the giant Bob Marley tattoo on his leg that he had gotten.... recently.
And some piercings.
But he started reading the Bible. A lot. And it seemed to be real for him. And he was sure he had gotten saved at summer camp in high school. But he hadn't been living like a Christian for a long time.

I had a very mixed heart when we were first dating - on one hand, he was so nice. and funny. and I really liked him. On the other hand I worried he was like some other guys I dated that I knew I shouldn't but did anyway and always regretted.

I had given that whole dating scene up by now, tired of the broken-heartedness that came from pursuing what felt fun in the moment but what I knew was wrong in my spirit. It always led to hurt.
I didn't give all that up on a whim either. It was a big deal, and I was genuine when I gave it up.
But then, I met Ben. And I was sure that I liked Ben. Ya know, like-liked him. A lot.

So, I just prayed and prayed that first month we were dating.
Is he the one?
Is the internal conflict I'm experiencing a sign we shouldn't be together? 

I tend to be indecisive. I mean, I agonize over curtain colors. So, a husband....

One of the first few times we hung out I told Ben, "I'm done dating around. I only want to date someone if we're going to get married. So we can hang out and decide to get married, but if we decide not to get married, then it's done right then and there. "

He agreed.

After we'd been hanging out or dating or whatever you want to call it for about a month, Ben's dad came to Chicago to visit him and scope me out. [I didn't know that was the reason for his visit until just recently, as in 3-ish weeks ago!! I thought he just wanted to see where Ben was for a semester. haha!]

Anyway, his dad came and he was the same person around his dad that he was around me. Shortly after his dad left, Ben told me he loved me. I was skeptical of his saying that, but his dad's visit had sealed the deal for me. If he was the same around his family as he was around me, then that's who he was. This guy I was falling for wasn't a fake. He was the real deal.

Well, you know the rest. We got married, said "I do," couple kids, couple moves, and here we are... almost 5 years into marriage.

There was so much we didn't know about each other. (And judging from the first few years, we still have a lot to learn.) But also, we've each changed so much. In some ways, we're different people than we were 5 years ago. We've changed and grown together.

And now, I can honestly say, he's my best friend.

Recently, Ben and I were reminiscing and realized - he had no idea "what he wanted to do" in terms of a career after he finished school. We laughed as we remembered that I didn't even really ask what he was going to do after school. We were too busy being in love and moving up our wedding date.

He was finishing up his undergrad with a sociology degree. (You have to have one if you have a Bob Marley tattoo.) Then, he did the first two years of a PHD sociology degree, and after the 2 year masters program was done, he went to Harvard for a masters in computational science and engineering. He's a "data scientist." aka: full blown nerd.

When we got married, I didn't even know he liked math. He knew he was pretty good at it, but if you would have told him he'd be a data scientist in a few years, I'm sure he would have laughed at you. Or probably politely nodded because he's nice like that.

Needless to say, a few things have changed since we first met. But when we said "I do," we committed for life. And a few years in, I can honestly say, we love each other more.
Because we've grown closer.
And we've changed together.
Because we've been through a few things.
Because he's loved me for who I am through all my ups and downs.
Because even if you start out a cool kid and end up a nerd.
Even if you start out a teacher and end up a mom.
Even if you start out proud and end up humble.
Even if you start out in Chicago and end up in Nebraska (didn't see that one coming!)

we said, "till death do us part," and that was that.
Plus now, we're best friends.

when your toddler is whining

[Side note: I wrote this post on a more-whining-than-usual-day and now the last couple days have been great. Ben was out of town for a few days, and I think the girls feel it when he's gone. I know I do! He's the cheese to our macaroni, the cream in our coffee, the bacon to our eggs! He balances all our girl-ness out with a little calm, cool, and collected. Anyway, he's back. Hallelujah! And... the whining (and crying) has calmed. But still. Some days are like this, so I wanted to share.]

-----------------------------------------------------

Can I be honest for a second?
The amount of whining a toddler can produce is downright amazing.
Please picture any adult you know speaking with a fraction of the whining a toddler does (actually, I've interacted with some adults who whine this much). It doesn't bode well for them.

It seems like it's either on or off. Either whining & tears all day, or hardly any at all.
Sometimes I want to shout as loud as I can "STOP WHINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are you being such a.... 2 year old?"

Oh wait. She is a 2 year old.
And I am not.
So, I take a deep breath. Set aside my feelings. (Usually say a quick prayer.)
And try to respond without reacting.
Reacting isn't helpful.
Responding is.
Whether it's ignoring or time outing or redirecting or bribery, responding > reacting

I am not great at this naturally. If I don't call out to the good Lord for some in-the-moment wisdom with a sprinkle of grace, I find myself quickly growing very very irritable. Even on my best mom-day, I don't have a lot of great solutions for dealing with all the whining.

I have all these nice philosophies about not raising entitled children, teaching self-control and patience, but at the end of the day, they're kids. They're human. Interesting how you don't have to teach them to complain, argue, disobey, fight with their siblings, steal each other's toys, yell "no" at their parents. Oh no, that just comes with the package. But you do have to teach (and model) love, obedience, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, putting others first, taking turns, giving generously, and on and on.

It's not a job for the faint or weary.
It is a job that needs grace. and a whole lot of Holy Spirit.
So, that's how I'm walking these days.
Lots of prayer.
Lots of forgiveness.
Lots of do-overs.
Lots of grace.
And hopefully less whining (from her and me).

Will you join me? We can do it.

Oh, and on the prayer thing. Yesterday, I asked 4 people for prayer in the later end of a very long day. And I am not joking when I say there was almost an instant turnaround. The rest of the day was enjoyable, peaceful, and fun. And when we made it through dinner and bedtime with no tears or appetite or potty battles, we celebrated with ice cream and playing outside in jammies.

And when there is no miracle turnaround on one of those less-than-lovely days, just put them to bed, eat ice cream without them, and pray over everyone as you fall asleep. There's always tomorrow.

Fun toddler lego thing

My brother and I played with legos ALL THE TIME as kids.
I'm pretty sure my parents still have several 30-gallon rubbermaid containers full of legos.
I really hope that our kids play with legos. Not that we'll pressure them. But we probably will.

Because Emma is still at the eat-tiny-things age, we have duplos for now. (The bigger toddler-sized legos.) My parents gave Addie a little duplos set for Christmas and we gave her this duplos book.

When I ordered it, I thought it was a book that had duplo-building boards inside that would let you build duplos on the book. Wrong! It's just a silly story that has pictures of how to build the animals throughout. She didn't really care about it at first, but we kept it anyway. We usually build duplo towers and knock them over. But, more recently, she figured out that you can build what's in the pictures (both of this book and of the duplo set she got from my parents) and now, she wants to do it over and over. She can't quite get them all right by herself yet, but she's close.

See the picture of the 4 pieces involved to build the tiger?

She likes matching the legos to the picture and trying to figure out how to put them together to look 'right.' 

Honestly, at first I was disappointed that it wasn't a book you could build legos on. Because how cool would that be!? 

But, actually, now that she thinks it's fun, I'm a fan! Not just because I have good memories of playing legos as a kid and I want her to think it's fun too, but because legos are so good for the whole creating-building-thinking-visual-spatial part of the brain. (That's the scientific term for it.)

I realized that it's a pre-cursor to the way lego instructions are. 

Plus, she's so proud when she gets it right. 

Once she's built all 4 animals, she likes me to read through the book and she pops the appropriate animal out and says "peekaboo" along at the right time in the story. 

Here's the one we have. There are others too - farm, fairy tail, "let's go", etc..  

Maybe a toddler near you would like one? 

Happy building!!!

p.s. those are "affiliate links." Read more about my recent use of them here.

A flower from daddy

Ben came home from work the other day with a tiny tulip for Addie. It was bright red and the petals were closed. We put it in the smallest vase I had and she put some water in it. I had received from flowers from a piano student after our recital, so there was already a bouquet of fresh flowers on the table. Addie said "I have a flower just like mommy."

The next day her tulip petals had opened. She noticed this at breakfast and squealed with delight but she didn't have the words to describe it.

"my flower my flower my flower my flower is ummmmmm... yay!!!!!!!!"

Then she looked inside and said "I see inside my flower, mama."

I love to watch her figure stuff out.
I love to see her with her dad... There is something very special about a dad and his daughter.

ways I (try to) engage, connect, and converse with my kids on a day-to-day basis

I recently wrote about engaging my kids throughout the day as a parenting goal for 2015.
In that post, I alluded to practical ways I engage my kids. I do these perfectly every day.
HA! Not. They're goals. Things that I feel like the Lord consistently puts on my heart as simple ways to really be with my kids and plant the seeds that are building our relationship for the long haul. So much of my time is filled with caring for their basic physical needs and honestly, it's tiring. Often the last thing I want to do is build a tower of blocks or read "Green eggs and ham." Again.

But I need to be reminded they have spiritual and emotional needs to meet too.
Right now, part of those needs, I think, are filled by Mom not only attending to their physical needs, but enjoying them in these other ways too. It's hard. I love my kids but I'm not the play-with-them-all-day type. This stuff is not natural for me. I definitely air on the side of wanting them to entertain and attend to themselves. (True confessions.)

So here it is - ways I (try to) engage, connect, and converse with my kids on a day-to-day basis in no particular order.

Really listen. This means, my eyes on you, often I get down on her level, process what she's saying, respond or ask questions. This also means phone down when they're talking to me. Sometimes I say, "Addie, I am sending someone a message. Will you wait a minute while I send this and then I want to hear what you have to say."

Wake up with snuggles. Emma is at a particularly non-snuggly right now. Addie loves to snuggle. We usually sit on the couch while she drinks juice and I drink coffee for a few minutes in the mornings. I ask her about dreams. If I don't, she reminds me to ask her. Since Emma is NOT interested in morning snuggles, I usually try to really interact with her and talk to her while I'm changing her diaper first things.

Read together. I don't remember when we started reading to Addie, but she loves to read. I'm pretty sure she would sit next to me all day on the couch if I would read to her all day. It feels hard to make myself do this, but we've started having extra reading time during Emma's morning nap. Usually she wants to read all the library books along with a couple old favorites, so we started keeping those in a separate basket. We put the basket next to her on the couch, cozy up under a quilt and read several. Some days we don't have time for as many, so I tell her in advance how many we'll read. I hope she always loves to read this much. Also, I have to admit - I'm loving that she'll sit through more riveting books than the peekaboo lego book pictured below. I can't wait until we can read chapter books together. #nerdpower

Side note - clearly this is my husband reading to her, not me. Blog shoutout to Ben because he leaves early in the morning and works hard all day and then comes home in time to get some quality time in with these girls. He's here for dinner most of the time, and he comes home "on" - gives the girls tons of energy all the way to bedtime. I am thankful for a job for him that still gives us this time together and I'm so thankful for how happy he is to come home and be with us. We are an energetic (and at times emotionally chaotic) bunch to come home to! I love this man.

Meals together and without the phone. A lot of times, I'm up and down during meals. I make their meals as they eat kinda. Fruits/ veggies first then other stuff. Everyone needs things cut up and pealed, and I don't know, it feels easier to just feed them as I prep. But I've noticed they both eat better, and we all enjoy the meal more if I prep the meal first and then we all sit down with plates together and eat. (Sometimes I have a little bit of their kid food with them but then enjoy grown up food after they are out of the room or napping.)

Saying I'm sorry. I gotta be honest, it's hard for me to admit I'm wrong to my toddler. I always thought this would be easy, but when no one else is around and she won't know the difference, it's hard to make myself do it. But when I snap or have a harsh reaction, it's wrong. I'll never forget when I was 14 (ish) and my dad said to me in the kitchen "sorry I reacted like that. You're not a kid anymore and I need to stop talking to you like a little kid. I'll talk differently in the future, and it'll be a bit of a learning curve, but we'll figure it out..." It made such an impression on me. I want my kids to remember that everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. Definitely not Mom. Mom needs Jesus too. And sometimes Mom has to say "I'm sorry."

Pray together at routine and times and non-routine times. We pray before bed and dinner routinely. Those are natural moments to stop, to remember, to thank God, to acknowledge him with us. But, this year, I am trying to pray more with and in front of the girls throughout the day. For people or situations that come to mind. As we're thankful for things. Whatever. It's more natural for me to have those brief, conversational prayers in my head, but I want them to know and see that God always loves them and is always with them, even in the mundane normal day-to-day life.

Some uninterrupted playtime. Addie is so so so so so social. She seems to crave interaction. I get that. I'm less like that than I used to be, but I do love good friendship. And until Emma is old enough to play with Addie for longer periods of time, or until she's in some sort of pre-school program, I try to really play something with her, even just for 10 or 15 minutes a lot of days. Some days it doesn't happen and it's fine, but I've realized if I give her some undivided attention for a while, she's more likely to go off to play by herself or play near me on her own while I get something done later. Usually we new work-shelf work or puzzles or a special activity like paint, outside play, play-dough, etc... And then after a while I say, "I need to do some other work now. You can keep doing this or you can find something else to do while I do [blank]."

Those are the main things that come to mind for now. Am I overthinking this? I find that if I have "intentional" (to use and overused Christianese word) goals as it relates to interacting with my kids, I'm less likely to fall into thinking they're in my way and more likely to see them like Jesus sees them. What do you do to connect with your little ones? Parents of 2 or more kids, or older kids, how do you connect with your kids differently as they get older?

Montessori Work Shelf Update

This update is long overdue.
6 weeks ago, I wrote about adding a montessori-inspired shelf to our living room.

I've casually changed out some activities over the past 6 weeks. I'm not very systematic about it yet. I haven't fully committed mentally. I like the idea, but it takes time.

These pictures are back from when I first started the shelf. We have these little mini puzzles - the whole alphabet came in a set, per the recommendation of a friend. I was putting out one letter at a time, but now I have 3 or 4 out. She loves puzzles and is learning beginning phonics sounds (H is for hat, I is for ice, etc...) 

Mancala stones on the letter of the "week." (Week meaning however long goes by until I think she knows it and I remember to change the letter.) She likes to get the stones right on the dots, so she was getting frustrated with the mancala stones because they move so easily. I ended up putting them away and we did stickers instead.

 She really liked these stickers for a while. They're $1 for a big pack at walmart. She got bored of them after a couple weeks too so I put them away for now. They'll be "new" again later :)

One day we did play dough on a letter. 

She thought that was okay. 

She likes to color in the dots better. Or use pennies. Or cheerios. Or anything small and round. 

The number one fave is these dot paints though. I'm telling you, these are the bomb. 

I had seen these dot paint marker things around the interwebs and picked some up at Target. They stunk!!!! I thought it was user-error but turns out, brand matters. The library has a huge collection of them, all Do-A-Dot, all awesome. They let the kids use them on a letter of the week sheet at the end of toddler time. Addie loves these things. I ordered some of the original rainbow color ones with an Amazon gift card. It's 16 buckeroos for a pack of six which I think is kinda expensive. But, they are so fun! And I hear they last a loooooong time. 

Addie and I both think they're fun!! At first, she just put dots everywhere. Now she is very careful to fill every dot with a dot of paint. 

This was up for a couple days - pom pom drop. 

I saw this picture online. Obviously mine is way less cool. Maybe we'll make the fancy version together soon. We saw a giant rainbow decoration at a school the other day, and now she likes talking about rainbows. So, maybe we'll do some rainbow themed stuff. 

source

Speaking of rainbows and pom-poms, this is on my to-do list. 

Here is where you can get the printable and where the picture is from :) 

We got a new printer that arrived yesterday - can't wait to print up some fun for the shelf! 

Speaking of which, back to business. A lot of montessori-inspired activities at this age have to do with developing the fine motor skills required for holding a pen or pencil. (Well, that's what I've been reading anyway... I don't really know anything about montessori! haha! I only know what google tells me.) But, it's been interesting to see her get that! Sometimes she likes to do fast coloring and wants to hold it in a fist-type grasp. More often than not now though, she holds it like this.

She likes coloring. Well, she likes coloring in small spaces on every.single.page. of a coloring book and then she considers it done. Ha! Kids are funny.

Lacing cards or beads, putting things through small holes, putting beads on a plastic needle, all of that is developing the pencil-holding motion.

 She REALLY liked that for about a week. Then I took it off the shelf for a couple days, changed up the yarn and bead colors and the container it was in, put it back on and it was fun again. The plastic needle came in a two pack for $1.50 from Hobby Lobby, near the needle point stuff. (The wooden beads were also there - near the kids crafts. A bag with about 50 wooden beads was $2 I think.)

While in the needle point section, I picked up a tiny hoop for 60 cents and put some of that mesh stuff that goes in your kitchen drawers in it. They also sell plastic meant for kids "needlepoint" for these hoops if you don't have extra drawer non-slip mesh laying around, or if you want a fancy shape. She doesn't totally get this yet. Addie likes to put it through the front and then have me put it back through again. But the 4 year old sibling of a piano student I have LOVES this. She comes and plays with it every week during her brother's lesson, so I keep it out for her.

The end. That's what's on our shelf.
The newness and funness (I made that word up) of a particular activity seems to wear off after a week to ten days. For the first few days an activity is new, she'll go get it and do it herself over and over and over. That is so fun to watch.

Parents and teachers of toddlers, all shelf appropriate "work" and play ideas welcome!!

Affiliate Links

This is a little disclaimer post.

I recently decided to try affiliate links on my blog. Along with a couple google ads you may have noticed, this is my first attempt at monetizing my blog. I'm hoping a couple simple things will cover the cost of upgrading hosting and design services. (If that sounds like a foreign language to you, we're in the same boat. I am just now learning a few very surface level things about web design, hosting, etc...)

Anyway, affiliate links. This means that sometimes, I will link to something and if you were to buy it through the link I posted, I would get a teeny tiny payment for the referral. If it's an amazon product, it's probably an affiliate link. All other links are not affiliate links unless otherwise noted.

In case you're unfamiliar with Amazon Affiliates, you can read more here.
Basically, they're paying a very small amount to get the benefits of word-of-mouth type referral advertising even though they're a huge company. It's a win-win.

In the past, I've often linked to Amazon as I've mentioned things we like or use, especially kid and home related stuff. I never received affiliate fees for those before, but decided to try it out hence forth.

Disclaimer over.

Other random cleaning stuff

Yesterday, I posted a few pics of how I get vacuuming done. That post started out as this post actually. I was going to write about how I keep things relatively clean. Key word, relatively.
And then I decided that was boring.
But then I thought - I don't know, I liked reading stuff like that when I had one kid around and was trying to figure out my new normal as a stay at home mom. Plus, there's the whole remembering and recording normal life, not just interesting life. And guess what? My normal involves cleaning these days.

So I decided to go ahead and post it. It's a little more rambley than usual (yikes!). Oh well.

I used to enjoy cleaning. I found it somewhat therapeutic. Plus there's the whole instant gratification thing. You put some work into it, and everything sparkles and looks better immediately.

With kids, well... that's just not the case most of the time. Let's just say, our house looks "lived in" throughout the day. If you look closely at the background of most instagram pictures I post, you will see an appropriately messy house. Toys and laundry and books strewn about. I'm okay with it. We don't have a toy room, my kids are little, they dump everything out. It is what it is.

New game - pillow floor. 

Sometimes you can find my kids playing under the rug in the kitchen... what? 

BUT, tons of mess makes me feel a little nutty. Not when my kids are playing with it so much, but the aftermath. When there is clutter everywhere, it's hard for me to concentrate. I guess I fall in the 'neat freak' category.  

So for the sake of my slight obsession with organizing and neatness, and wanting everything "in its place," I've figured out a few tricks that work for us to keep the house relatively clean (which makes me feel calmer) and yet not spend a bunch of time on it... because ain't nobody got time for that!

Before I list them, here's a disclaimer. I read this article recently, A clean house and a wasted life. 

And I really like a lot of what he says. You should read the whole thing if you haven't, but the author ends with this: 

Like so much else in this life, you cannot have it all. You cannot have perfect order and perfect productivity. You cannot have a home that is warm and full and inviting, you cannot have every child fed and cared for, while also having every dish done and every sock laundered. You just can’t. Of course this isn’t to excuse slovenliness or laziness. But you need to understand what Derek Kidner says, that “Orderliness can reach the point of sterility. This proverb is [a plea for] the readiness to accept upheaval, and a mess to clear up, as the price of growth.” Growth, or productivity, as the case may be. Is a clean house proof of a wasted life? Not at all. But a tidy house isn’t necessarily evidence of a well-lived life. If you do the things God tells you to do, messes will inevitably follow. But take heart: According to the wisest man who ever lived, these messes are not proof of a wasted life, but of a productive one.

“Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox” (Proverbs 14:4).

Along those lines, please don't read this post and think you should clean your house more or you should clean like me. If you don't care or don't have time, don't do it. 

Here's why I clean:

1. I like a clean house. I blame my mom for this. She used to make us clean a lot and I guess it was contagious. 

2. I also like stuff in its place. There are few things more infuriating to me than not being able to find what you need when you need it. [Especially: keys, wallet, pacifier, or baby wipes.] It's right underneath the "customer service" people at an internet/cable company for me. 

3. And I want my kids to take care of their stuff. I don't want a bunch of extra stuff sitting around that we don't use. I'm admittedly a slight neat-freak. 

Now, don't get me wrong. My house is not always clean. It used to bug me, but 2 kids in, I've just accepted it. It would not be unusual to see some dried yogurt on the floor that I forgot to wipe up 5 days ago. Or tiny little shriveled up peas in the corner of the kitchen. And please don't look closely in places like corners or baseboards or, I don't know, the top of the refrigerator. 

One time I had some mom friends over for dessert (who had been over a few times before with their kiddos) and they said "woah, you're house looks different without toys everywhere!"  

So, these are not tricks for having a magazine-worthy-sparkling home my friends. 

Sorry, for that, you'll have to go elsewhere.

These are tips on what works for me. Maybe they'll work for the average-family-with-littles. Maybe not. 

This is how I spend as little time as possible cleaning only what I deem necessary. 

1. Clean when it looks dirty. It seems like some people have a cleaning day and some people clean a little every day. I used to have a cleaning day, but as my kids have gotten more active, I prefer to just do one thing per day. It tends to make the house feel kinda clean all the time rather than just for 3 hours after I finish a top-to-bottom house cleaning. 

Here are the things I rotate through: 

bathroom (we have 1... small house perks)

wiping surfaces of furniture

vacuum upstairs 

wash floors that aren't carpet (only the kitchen and bathroom) 

vacuum and tidy basement

I don't have a day of the week that I do each of those tasks. I just clean stuff when it looks dirty and I generally don't do more than one of those tasks each day. Each individual task takes 10-15 minutes max. 

2. Toy tidy every night. We don't have a play room - all the toys we own get kept in a storage hutch in the living room and with the exception of a few in Addie's room & a medium-size moving box full of toys kept in hiding that get rotated into the living room hutch. 

3. Dishes after every meal. I prefer to do this rather than letting them pile up all day. Partly because our old house with old windows and weird smells seems to attract bugs when it's warm & old food piled up on dirty dishes doesn't help. Plus Ben often does dinner dishes & it seems unfair to have him do all our dishes from the whole day. Ha! (Actually, now that I think about it.....) 

After dinner, we wipe down all counters, sink, and stove. Dishwasher usually runs overnight and I empty the next morning. 

4. I run a load of laundry start to folded and put away most days except weekends. Every so often I remember it's been a while since I did towels and sheets, so I throw in a load of those. 

5. If something is visually cluttery, I try to deal with the clutter when I notice it. 

6. I try not to have a lot of stuff around that we don't use on a regular basis. I air on the side of throwing things out or donating them, so this might have happened at our house once or twice: 

    ben: "renee have you seen my thingamabob?" 

    me: "oh you mean the green one?" 

    ben: "yeah!" 

    me: "i gave it to goodwill last week, sorry." 

    ben: "oh." 

woops! so, that's the downside of throwing out clutter i guess. but the upside is - less clutter! 

7. We have a few pick-up-after-yourself-systems in place for the kids, well Addie for now and Emma eventually.  

    * Montessori "work shelf" work always gets put away right away after finishing. 

    * Coat on hook and shoes by the door or in her bedroom closet when we get home from an outing. 

    * If she colors at some point, crayons and markers go back in the little containers on the the coloring table. 

    * Dishes to the counter after a meal. 

    * If we get out play-dough, paint, or another special type of activity, we put it all away when we're done. 

    * After brushing teeth, tooth brush and tooth paste go back in "her" drawer in the bathroom and stool gets put away.

I really like the saying "a place for everything and everything in its place." I choose not to spend time and energy stressing over a mess. Instead, we try to pick up after ourselves, minimize the extras, and clean when it looks dirty. And if I skip the yogurt on the floor for a few days in a row, oh well. 

Sometimes you clean and sometimes you just embrace the mess.  

So, do you clean? How often? I can't wait till my kids are old enough for more chores! ;) moms of older kids - bring on the tips and chore charts galore!