Wednesday, December 4, 2013

13 Weeks & Anticipation

Oh pregnancy. 
The first thing people seem to ask when you tell them you're pregnant (after they mentally calculate how far apart our kids are going to be... I'll save you the calculation.... 17 months), is "how are you feeling?" 

I was feeling gross. 
Tired, unmotivated, nauseous. 
I ate a lot of apples, cheese & crackers, and pizza. And deli sandwiches. 
Standing in a grocery store made me want to vomit. So.many.smells.

But then, week 10 or 11 hit. And one morning, I woke singing the Hallelujah chorus as I realized I didn't need my dear husband to bring me toast in bed. (Through those nauseous first trimester days, I have to eat something before my head lifts from the pillow to avoid puking :)... anyone else out there do this?!?!)  That I could get up all by myself, go to the kitchen, and have a cup of coffee and some cereal. That was a glorious day. 

Slowly but surely, I remembered how to get dressed and leave the house and make real food for dinner. Phew.

So, here we are. 13 weeks now, and so thankful to be feeling more normal. I've started to feel teeny tiny bubbles in my tummy... I think New Baby is pretty busy in there. I remember the first time I felt Addie. I had been waiting and waiting and waiting. A friend had told me it felt like little bubbles, not like kicking. I think it was somewhere around 20 weeks or so. But now that I know what I'm looking for, I think I can feel it quite a bit earlier. 

Tiny movements. 
Tiny precious life. 
Did you know most of the baby's critical development has already taken place? Organs, tissues, skin, fingernails, reflexes, eyelids, eye color, tooth buds, bones, fingerprints. 
Fingerprints!! This little one already has fingerprints. 

There's something about your second pregnancy that is more amazing than the first. 
With the first, everything is new. And that is fun in its own way. So much anticipation and wonder. 
But, with the second, it's like - you have a glimpse of what's coming; you have a memory of the first moment of meeting your sweet child; the known replaces the unknown; excitement replaces fear. 
And in a way, it is so much more fun to be pregnant the second time. 
Because you can imagine more clearly what's to come. 

At the same time, I have no idea what's to come. Or rather, who. 
Who this wonderful baby will be. 
What s/he will be like? 
What will his/her personality be? 
What will s/he like? Dislike? 

And so, just like the first, I am still filled with anticipation and wonder. 
I used to think it was over blown that people called it a miracle. Because it happened all the time. So, how could it be a miracle. 
But, I think I was wrong. 
Sure, people have babies all the time. But, just 13 weeks ago, this person didn't exist. Then there was 1 cell. And now there is a 3-inch sized human with fingerprints. And in less than 7 months, that little life will take its first breath of air and I will again be overcome. 

"You knit me together in my mother's womb... fearfully and wonderfully made."