Thursday, May 15, 2014


In honor of "throw back thursday" (a social media trend I very much enjoy, by the way)...

we had an early ultrasound to date the pregnancy with Addie.

our little grain of rice/ baby

a few weeks after we found out we were pregnant, Ben and I went on a road trip to Arizona with his parents and brothers. 

Well, the other night, I woke up with some intense contractions. They were strong & frequent for a couple of hours. I was just past 36 weeks pregnant, and while my first baby came 10 days early, I would have been quite surprised if we were heading to the hospital 4 weeks early! Since I couldn't sleep anyway, I figured I'd better rummage around and at least get a list for those hospital bags :) Eventually, the contractions died down and I went back to sleep. But over the past couple days, I've tried to track down some of our newborn stuff from Addie. That might not sound difficult since it's not even been a year and a half yet, but we've lived in 3 places since she was born, so it was easier said than done.

As I ran some tiny newborn clothes through the laundry, my memory was flooded with the very fuzzy visions of those first weeks of motherhood. Though almost nothing is clear, I do have a couple vivid memories.

I remember the euphoria I felt when I heard her cry and they placed her on my chest. And I remember a few precious moments after everything settled down. everyone left the room. It was just the 3 of us. My family. [Yes, Ben is wearing his shirt that says "I <3 Renee Cook."]

I remember almost nothing else from our hospital stay except being so so so tired. and waking up with every peep she made. Both nights I reluctantly asked the nurses to take her into the nursery. Both nights they did, and brought her back for me to nurse her every few hours. They always said she slept soundly. I remember feeling guilty for sending her away since she had slept so soundly. But I didn't know how to sleep with her in the room.

I remember buckling Addie into her carseat, ready to leave the hospital. The nurse commented that we didn't have socks on her even though it was December 31. Woops.

I remember my mom snapping this photo after we got home from the hospital. It dawned on me that we hadn't even taken a photo just the 3 of us after she was born. (I had to 'crop' the midwife out of the one above!) Not sure why I still remember thinking about that. 

I remember many of our family coming over for the Husker bowl game. We wanted to visit with family, give everyone time to snuggle Addie & watch it together, but I couldn't muster up the energy to go to my inlaws' house where we had planned to watch it. So they came to us. I napped for a lot of it and everyone took turns holding Addie. :) 

One other thing I remember is the feeling of being completely overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed by the amount of pain my body was in.
Overwhelmed by exhaustion.
Overwhelmed by her not nursing well.
Overwhelmed by my emotions.
And overwhelmed by a new kind of love I had never experienced before.

A friend linked to this article on facebook the other day that seems to 'fit' in with all my pregnant rambling. I cried when I read it. Obviously.

Can't believe we get to do this again soon.
Here's to round 2!