Grateful

I don't know about you but once in a while, it occurs to me that God is protecting me (and my family) from things I don't even know about- a car accident, a health tragedy, a bad boss, etc...  But then, every so often, I get a glimpse of what that thing really is in all it's danger.  Let's use the car accident example.  You're driving a long, going about your business as you approach a green light when suddenly you decide to look left, and as you do, you slam on the brakes because somebody else is running their red light, and had you not looked left, they would have slammed into your driver's side door.  Or, I'll use a personal example. When I was in high school, we were in a car accident.  The kid I was driving with was tired, and the garbage truck was going too fast.  We pulled out right in front of a garbage truck going over 40 mph, only to be spun several times, the car totaled. All the windows shattered. The driver's side of the tiny compact sedan practically crunched up to the passenger's side.  My friend, my brother, and I climbed out. Unharmed. Brian might have needed a bandaid, but I don't remember. If you had looked at the car, you would have thought every passenger was dead.  (In fact, there were some rumors going around at school that we were dead, but that's besides the point.)

It was a miracle.

My parents covered our lives in prayer. And God heard, and protected us, just as His Word promises. 

But, most days, we go through life unaware of what God is protecting us from. And that's a good thing.  However, once in a while, for whatever reason, you get to actually glimpse what He's protecting you from.  And, when you do glimpse it- that miraculous protection- as I did recently (in an event I'd rather not detail on the World Wide Web), it just leaves you, well... I can only speak for myself.

It left me grateful, humbled, and in prayer once again. 

On my knees before my Lord- thanking & praising Him for how he watches over my life and my family. 

It reminds me of that song... 

Hallelujah what a Savior, 

I owe everything to Him.

Hallelujah what a Savior, 

Hallelujah to my King.

Business

We are moving to Boston and now that I'm in stay-at-home-mom mode (which I think I will refer to as SAHM henceforth.) I love sounding fancy. Ok, where was I?

Now that I'm in stay at home mom mode, I've been thinking of ways to make some extra money on the side.  I'm still in the brainstorming phase, so here's what I have so far:

1. Compile my teaching resources digitally, blog about how to use them, and sell them on tpt. Long term, this might turn into an opportunity to compile a cohesive elementary music curriculum/ sequence to teach to college students. 

2. Invent something awesome. 

3. Amateur professional photography?  I know, I know... With cheap, high quality cameras, everyone's a photographer.  But here's my idea.  I was in a wedding recently, and the photographer couldn't be at the girls' getting ready location.  So, I brought my camera and the owner of the hair salon asked if I'd send him the pictures for his website and Facebook page.  I of course agreed. And then got the idea-  by word of mouth, I could photograph small businesses like that salon, or a local restaurant opening, or a 3 year old birthday party.  Random things that people want good pictures of but don't want to pay a legit professional for.  I can compile a portfolio of shots I've taken and mostly acquire business by word of mouth.  Say I charged 100$ (or so) for a couple hours and you get all the photos on a disc.  No hassle.  It'd be a great way to learn more about and practice a hobby I love too. I don't have all the details worked out, but you get the picture... 

(Cheesy pun totally intended.)

4. Take another kiddo in my home (by home I mean, 800 sq ft apartment) a couple days a week. 

I'm not super stoked about this idea, but I'm open and willing, depending on the scenario.

5. Piano or voice lessons. Good old fallback. Except we won't have a piano in Boston... But I could do it out of a studio, or church, or university practice room. Maybe. 

6. Professional organizer. Consulting, helping people come up with systems for their home or office, and helping them set up the systems and implement them well.  This could go in lots of directions, but you don't get to heartbeat details now because my sweet Adelyn is waking up.  

I have thought through some pros, cons, and details, but any input you have is appreciated!!!!!  Comment below :) 

That conversation with someone you haven't seen in a while.

I recently was in a wedding and had the chance to catch up with many old friends (and make some new ones).  Sometimes I dread that kind of thing where you have to make casual conversation all night, but it was actually super fun! 

A lot of times the convo went like this:

Me and person in union "oh my gosh it's so great to see you" (insert hug and smile)

Me: how are you? What are you up to these days?" (Or if a new acquaintance, "so, what do you do?"

Person: "oh, you know... I'm finishing up my masters at Yale."    Or 

"I just got a new job as a special Ed teacher."     Or 

"I am moving to San Francisco to design a new parole system."    Or 

"I work for Harvard Mass Gen doing research in the bio genetics departments."    Or

"I'm with a political documentary company out of California... So like we were just filming in the Middle East."     

(Seriously, those are all real. No exaggeration.)

Me: wow, that is so neat. 

(After some discussion of said amazing profession, the convo continues.)

Person: I've seen pictures of your baby on Facebook... She is so cute. What are you up to?

Me: being a mom. I was teaching but now I'm going to stay home with Addie.  

Annnnnnd here's where the reactions start to vary.

"That's so great. You're lucky." (I have to say, this one used to surprise me, but now, it is by far the most common reaction.) 

Or

"Awe fun. But won't Ben be in school...?" (I think the implied question is - how will you make money? Haha)

Or my favorite:    

"Oh....." (Silence)

Here's the thing. We have made a conscious decision for our family that for this season (or at least this next year), and for as long as we feel like God allows it- I will stay home with our children.  We might have to give up some things we wont be able to afford for a while. It might mean you and I don't have much to talk about. (Because the average person doesn't find diapers, first giggles, and first rolls at fascinating). It might mean people think we're a little nutso. It might mean I'm not showered even though we are talking at 3:00 in the afternoon. 

But I'm okay with all of that.

And I'm not even wanting to climb on a stay-at-home-mom soap box and try to justify why i do it or complain to you about diapers and spit up and laundry. Nor am I doing those things in my head as I part ways with the above mentioned acquaintance.

I just want to say that I love it. I'm thankful it's possible for us right now. I'm adjusting to how to engage people who are in a different place in life than me. 

So back to that conversation at the wedding that I had over and over. A lot of times, people would follow their reaction with "and how's being a mom?"

Long answer: I don't have time right now. :) 

so I'd usually just give the short answer.

"I love it. It's better than I imagined and we are so grateful."

And that is the whole truth.

Crisis of life.

This morning, my heart is heavy.
The thunder woke our sweet sleeping baby last night at 4:51 and when I was done nursing and putting her back down, I decided to go ahead and pump rather than waking up an hour later to do it.  While pumping, I was browsing twitter and kept seeing people hashtag #standwithwendy.  A quick google search filled me in and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

(In case you have no idea what I'm talking about, here's a brief CNN article to catch you up.)

Now, generally, I will not write about 'politics' on this blog for reasons I don't feel like getting into right now.
But in those early morning hours, as I was reading various articles/ news updates about this abortion bill filibuster situation, my mind was spinning and my heart was broken.  And I have to spill my heart on this one.

Prior to being a mom, I thought abortion was wrong.  There is really no debate anymore as to when a life begins.  Most doctors agree that life begins at or very soon after conception.  (You'll notice that the pro-choice argument in the past several years has shifted from focusing on 'when a life really begins' to 'the health of the woman.')  Anyway, I have always thought abortion was wrong.  But at one point, I have to be honest, I would have said that in a very rare situation (and this type of situation being a very small percentage of all abortion cases) where the mother is basically guaranteed to die, I could understand the dilemma, and perhaps that woman/ family should be given the right to choose.  I still understand why that particular case would be a dilemma, although I no longer believe abortion is okay in that scenario.  Or any scenario.  Many people would call that view extreme. I'm okay with that.  Nor do I care to get into the specifics of that right now. Because there's more to it than debating case by case scenarios.

This 'hot button issue' that people debate as if it is political is so much more - it is life and death.

Oh dear - my thoughts are so jumbled right now, I apologize in advance for the disorganized mess this post is already.

Right before my school year started, Ben and I went to our 20 week appointment.  It was on my lunch break during a teacher work day.  We saw our sweet baby moving, waving, & kicking, and we found out we were having a girl.  We hugged, kissed, cried, thanked God.  I went back to work on cloud 9, unable to concentrate on anything, except the sweet baby girl tumbling around inside of me.  When I walked in my classroom, the teacher with whom I shared a room had the radio on.  The radio show host was taking call-ins about pro choice and commenting on how the idea that anyone else has a right to tell a woman what to do with her body is absurd.  She kept referring to abortion as a women's health issue.  Suddenly, something within me stirred.  I could feel Addie (who we had not yet named) kicking and I was so upset by this program I had to leave the room.  That was the moment I realized my view had changed. It was stronger.

The current assumption of the pro choice movement is that abortion is a women's health issue.  According to CNN, this particular bill that is up for a vote in the Texas Senate (against which Wendy was protesting)  "would ban most abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy and tighten standards on abortion clinics and the doctors who work at them. Critics say it would shut most of the abortion clinics in Texas." 

Wendy Davis spoke: "Women realize that these bills will not protect their heath," she said. "They will only reduce their access to abortion providers and limit their ability to make their own family-planning decisions."

My initial reaction to this is a mixture of anger and sadness- I feel angry and sad towards Wendy Davis and those who stand with her.  

The CNN article reads: Abortion rights advocates were rallying behind Davis online, pushing the hashtag #standwithwendy on Twitter." 'Like never before, people in Texas are standing up to demand that politicians respect women's ability to make our own personal medical decisions, and the whole country is watching,' Cecile Richards, president of the Planned Parenthood Action Fund, said in a statement on the filibuster."  The article ended by stating "Davis, who became a single mother at age 19, went on to graduate with honors from Harvard Law School."

All that to say - after having a baby, my stance on the issue has become exponentially stronger.  
When I was pregnant with sweet Adelyn, there were some times I literally wept for women who would be choosing an abortion in that moment.  The minute you find out there is life inside, I believe (and experienced personally) there is an instant bond.  It's not possible to describe until you've experienced it.  And I believe that many (though certainly not all) women who have experienced an abortion would admit it was heart breaking to 'choose' to cut off that bond.  

my 6 week ultrasound with Addie.

There is an instant wonder about the little person.  
Smaller than the tip of your fingernail at conception. 
One tiny cell. 
That grows to be the size of a grain of rice.
With a heartbeat.
That grows to have 2 little eyes, a nose, and a mouth.
That will one day see, smell, and giggle. (and cry).
Tiny fingers and toes.
A little life, who could leave his or her little imprint on the world - if given the chance. 

The idea that it is the mother's decision whether or not to 'keep' that precious life is a devastating opinion that reflects a terrifying truth about how our culture views life.  I know this post will probably not change anyone's views on the issue, but I have been processing for almost a year now how my pregnancy strengthened my pro-life views, and wanting to get it down on 'paper.' or rather, screen.

Even as I write, I'm moved to tears.
Tears for women who have gotten an abortion and regretted it.
Tears for women who have gotten an abortion and not regretted it.
Tears for people who genuinely believe it is best for our world to have abortions available - whenever and wherever.
Tears for women who 'need' them repeatedly.
Tears for women who have been sexually abused.
Tears for child after child - person after person - killed like it's nothing because it would be... hard for the mom, bad timing, special needs, a reminder to the mom of sexual abuse.  Those things are hard. They are real. But they are not excuses to end human life.  It is not a woman's health issue.  It is life and death.

Let us as the church surround these women for whom I weep with comfort, love, and real support. Let us not wave our finger in condemnation, but rather, stand for truth in real, practical, hard ways. Let us take children & mothers in our homes who need help. Let us give our money, time, resources, hearts to people hurting and dying.  Let us rally together to make a difference - that maybe our culture would begin to value life. All life.

Oh Lord, show me my part. May this not be one day of an emotional reaction, but the beginning of action.
First and foremost - the action of prayer.  May we be moved to our knees, pleading and interceeding on the behalf of life - both born and unborn.

edited to add photo of 20 week ultrasound with our second born, Emma Catherine

 

Prayer

I recently listened to a sermon preached from 1 Samuel 1 titled "2 Insensitive Men and a Praying Woman."  1 Samuel 1 is the story of Hannah, who prays for a son and eventually has Samuel who she commits to the Lord's service.  She is 1 of 2 wives of Elkanah (insensitive man #1).  She has no children and the other wife has many.  She often prays for a child, yet is without... year after year. 

(To listen for yourself, download the "Walk in the Word" podcast and find the Weekend Feature message from May 12.) 

Here is what's leftover in my heart and mind that I am thinking on this week...

A woman who is burdened before the Lord in prayer is a very powerful tool.

As a parent [grandparent, family member of any kind], get a vision for the salvation of each member in my household and regularly come before God in prayer, proclaiming His word and desire for their salvation.

God desires that all should know him and none should perish - don't let anyone tell me otherwise, no matter what I see with my physical eyes.  Often prayer is seeing in faith.  

Prayer - getting spiritually fit to receive what God was already going to do. 

I desire my family (present and future) to greatly impact the kingdom of God here on earth... the responsibility of parenting my children and teaching them to love Jesus is huge.  It reminds me of this poem: 

[side note - I only remembered this line: "Only what's done for Christ will last."  When I googled it, I found out there's a whole poem.  What did people do before google?]

“Two little lines I heard one day,
Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart,
And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,
Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet,
And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice,
Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave,
And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years,
Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill,
living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore,
When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way,
Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep,
In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife,
Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn,
And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone,
Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,
Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call,
I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”

a new season

We have entered a new season.  A season where, Lord willing, I will be staying home with Adelyn and Ben will be working.  In a couple months, Ben will take a hiatus from work to begin a 1 year masters program at Harvard in computational science and engineering.  Our goal after that would be for him to find a job in a field that he loves that provides for us to quickly pay off the loan from the year in Boston and allows for me to continue staying home with Adelyn (and any other little tykes that might follow).

This new season brings many emotions for me.
Relief - that I can focus my best energy on caring for my family.
Joy - that I can spend many hours a day with A.
Sadness - that I am leaving public school teaching (this emotion is felt in a very small amount)
Nostalgia - for the schools I worked at this year, the staffs and students of which I grew to love

But, gratefulness is the most dominant feeling these days.  Grateful to be home. Grateful to be rested and refreshed. Grateful to have more time in the Word.  Grateful to be the key decision maker in my daughter's life. Grateful to have energy to invest in our marriage. Grateful to not be in 'survival' mode. Grateful for a daughter. Grateful for family. Grateful for a faithful, personal, precious Savior.

This new season also brings lots of questions. Some important, some not.
How can I use my time efficiently?
Should I keep up with teaching in any formal way?
I've considered compiling a curriculum for elementary music ed - is this something I should invest in?
How can I contribute to our income?
Who will we be friends with in Boston?
Where will we go to church?
What books should I read? (This question wasn't even on the radar the past several months.)
Where should we go on dates? (What? There's time for dates again?)

And once again, I am grateful. Grateful that I don't need to have all the answers and that I trust a God who does.

Poop Problem

There are so many things I want to write about lately.  So many things that are more important than what I'm about to tell you.  27 days of work left. More to come this summer.

But I can't get this story (albeit, very trivial story) out of my mind.  So I thought I'd share.

We have a 'poop problem' at one elementary school I work at.  Some child is spreading poop on the walls in the bathroom and throughout the school.  The teachers can't figure out who it is.  Every day, poop appears on the walls and every day, the kid gets away with it.  The teachers tried a buddy system for the bathrooms, but whoever the poop bandit's buddy is apparently approves of this ridiculousness.
Now they are implementing a bathroom signout sheet for every classroom.  The kids are supposed to sign out the time they go to the bathroom and report if there is poop on the walls when they got there so they don't get blamed for it.  I have no idea if there is actually a sign-out, if the kids can tell time well enough to write down the time, or if they are reporting what they see.  The teachers are really trying though!  The poor janitor - comes in my room every day to clean right after school, and he is very discouraged and sick of it.  He works really hard and finds the situation very frustrating.  Understandable. He is not paid to clean up the kids' poop from the walls.  He has WAY more important things to be doing to keep this building running.

I suggested to the principal that we up the 'threat.'  Here's the thing - the smart, naughty kids have figured out that the teachers at school can't really do anything when they're naughty.  They might lose a recess here and there or call their parents, but we can't actually punish them.  So, if mom and dad don't care, then there is really nothing to be lost by acting up at school.  Going on about this is really a different issue, so I'll get back to the poop problem.

Like I said, I suggested we up the 'threat.'  Tell the kids they better report what they see because we will find the kid who is doing it and when we do, they will spend every single recess of every single day next year cleaning the bathrooms.  To me, that is logical.  You spend a year putting poop on the walls of the bathroom, then you spend another year cleaning the bathrooms.  With the threat, explain that if you don't report it and we end up thinking it was you (even though it wasn't), then that's too bad, you will be the one cleaning the bathrooms.

My principal said she can't do that because a parent would have a fit.  Now, she is a VERY good principal.  I love working for her.

but, WHAT!?!?!??!?!?!?!  the parent of a child who spread poop all over the building (there was once some outside my door on the floor, which is not anywhere near a bathroom...) would have a problem with that child cleaning the bathrooms for a year??

I understand where she's coming from, but I giggled and said - well then perhaps that parent should send their child to a school where it is acceptable to put poop all over the building.

Ay ay ay.  Some little 10 or 12 year old brat who has no respect for others or authority is outsmarting a bunch of adults, and to me, it is very logical that the adults in charge do whatever they can to figure out who it is and teach this child how to respect authority at age 10 or 11 or 12 before he (boys' bathroom) starts doing things a lot more serious that have a lot bigger consequences than some poop here and there.  Granted, teachers can only do so much to instill such lessons in kids that aren't their own.  But we might as well try as hard as we can, because that kid could go on to do a lot more damage.  Hopefully he'll learn sooner or later, preferably sooner.